You can make excuses or you can make a way

I'm currently the smallest size I've ever been physically, the strongest I've ever been mentally, & I've never been this confident, why? Because I wanted to be this way. I wanted to be taken out of my misery. 

I've never really liked my Self. My body, thoughts, or actions. When I was little I wanted to get plastic surgery to make my thighs smaller. I always said, if I had a gym membership I'd lose all the weight I wanted(excuse). When I had access to a gym I wasn't eating right, at all. My brother pointed out that my eating habits were cancelling out the work I just put in at the gym but I didn't care. I was finally fed up with the madness I created standing at my heaviest 240 lbs, size 20 jeans. I was drinking & eating my sadness away until I stopped throwing my own pity party. I decided to do something different, believe in my Self.

I ended up losing 50 lbs, but gaining so much more. When people ask me how I lost the weight I tell them about all the water I drank (about a gallon a day), the exercise I did (a lot of cardio), and the food I ate (mostly vegan "diet"). I joked about the food that I didn't eat to get here but never really spoke about my eating disorder. 

I covered it up for a while with smoking weed to have the munchies to eat. I covered it up with my food allergy list. I covered it up with so many other excuses that I decided to change my habits. I was tired of being someone I'm not. I'm still working on my eating disorder but this time I have people that understand it a bit more. That helps a lot. It sucks that I'm a foodie going to a culinary school for Restaurant Food & Beverage Management because everyone thinks all I want to talk about is food. I DON'T. I'm getting better though, that's what matters.

I tell myself every time I run into a wall that it's mind over matter. If my mind isn't in the right place to begin my day, nothing else matters. Meditation is my MAJOR KEY to success. Prayer, yoga, mindful meditation - they all help me. I proceed with daily affirmations, what I remind my Self about myself- I have a playlist I need to listen to every morning, while I'm showering/ getting dressed to get my mind in the right place to face the day. Then I face the day & everything it brings- good & bad, it's going to make me a better me.

So if you find yourself in an unhappy state, think about what you'd like to change & what you have to do to get to your goals. Surround yourself with people that believe in you on the days you don't, and find the God within that you can't live without. You can do anything you put your mind to. Live your dreams.

Peace, love. Rosey.

Dear Self,

Rosey!!!
Live your dreams, don't let the nightmares stop you- instead use that as a reason to wake up. Thinking back on what you've accomplished to get to where you are now is motivation to keep going (growing). When everyone turned their back on you, you kept moving forward. You only look back to see how far you've come but ain't no turning back! You used to look down on yourself and now people look up to you. Some people have a deeper love for you than they can admit. You spread love & positivity into every room you walk into. You're fulfilling the promise you made yourself in 2012 to never give up.

You're living and learning even while the bridges are burning but that's why cars have steering wheels- so you can keep turning every time you see something ahead that will get to your head.
You keep swimming as you find the different creatures until you find your tribe which is only attracted by your vibe.
So vibrate higher, even when they want to call you a liar because regardless of what they say, they don't have to stay alone with your thoughts they have to stay with their own.
They might come for your thrown but you've thrown harder punches that people have eaten with their lunches.
They want to use you are their crutch when they're injuring themselves.
They will keep coming around like Santa's little elves but don't be surprised if they collect dust like the books on your selves.

Stop seeking approval from those who don't understand, keep in mind that there's a bigger picture.